The Monkey's Blog

Naughty Harry Potter Toy

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 09:16:32 +0000

Girls gone wild over this vibrating Harry Potter Broomstick. They just love the special effects...

Deep Thought Of The Day

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 15:23:07 +0000

Unless the peanuts are directly responsible for the satisfaction, isn't "Packed with peanuts, Snickers really satisfies" kind of like saying "Kind hearted, Betty looks great in a bathing suit"?

Toy Designed With Mom In Mind

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 01:57:37 +0000

Check out the handle on this sled! Hmmmm... were they thinking of mom or what when they came up with this thing??

Rare Deer Fish Caught!

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 03:50:31 +0000

A pair of fisherman found this deer 1.5 miles off shore. Good thing they had a camera... they'd have had a hell of a time getting anyone to buy this big fish tale.

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Robber Had It In The Bag... Almost

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 03:35:57 +0000

NEW HUDSON -- A would-be bank robber's well-laid plans Monday included a disguise, gloves and a demand note, but apparently he overlooked one thing: a bag to lug off his loot.

"He came in with a small piece of cardboard with 'Give Me Your Money' printed on it," said Detective Tom Bisio of the Oakland County Sheriff's Lyon Township substation.

"He told a teller to 'hurry up,' but when she asked him if he had a bag to put the money into, it must have flustered him. He ran off without any cash."

Police say the man also is a suspect in a completed bank theft later Monday in Macomb County and three others in Oakland County in recent weeks.

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Cool Game Of The Day

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 03:25:10 +0000

Man this thing can waste some time... check it out:

Ball Revamped 5:

Ball Revamped 5 Latest in the popular series.

Man Accused Of Having Sex With A Sheep Walks Because The Animal Was Unable To Testify

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 14:51:02 +0000

Hmmmm... seems... ummm... reasonable?

The man, from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht in the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having sex with a sheep.
But the case was thrown out of court as the sheep couldn't take to the stand to testify that it didn't want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.

Read More...

And don't worry... as you can see from my previous post on the subject... the guy will get what's coming to him if Leviticus has anything to say about it!

Monkey To Join SWAT Team

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 14:39:53 +0000

I found this particularly interesting...

MESA, Ariz. (AP) - Police tactical units usually don't engage in a lot of monkey business, but one SWAT team wants to add a capuchin monkey to its staff.
"Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it," said Sean Truelove, an officer with the Mesa Police Department who builds and operates tactical robots for the unit in suburban Phoenix.

Read More...

Dad, I Don't Want A Civic Anymore, I Want An M200G Volantor

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 08:48:36 +0000

OK.... I HAVE TO get me one of these!! Imagine pulling up to a chick at a red light in one of these bad boys!

Chris Farley Reincarnated

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 13:51:40 +0000

Holy cow... it really is him... just like he was in those skits as the large hungry lady... observe:

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 09:50:23 +0000

I went to a Braves game last night with a buddy of mine, and look at the results. I can't take this dude anywhere. Security had to come pry him off of the statue of the beloved baseball player... it was quite a scene.

Panhandling - A New Career Path

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:14:00 +0000

College not working out for you? Not happy with the job? It might be a time to consider a career in panhandling. Sure, mom & dad might not approve at first and I'm not sure how it'll fly with the ladies... but sometimes you've got to follow your dream. When you're ready to take the step, check out this great article for some tips on getting started:

How To Panhandle

Mom, I Know What I Want For Christmas

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 16:35:07 +0000

I'm getting into the spirit early this year folks. No need to wait till the last minute to make that wish list. I emailed a picture of this to my mother and told her it was at the top of this year's Christmas list. Hope she doesn't get the wrong idea...

New Use For Magnum XL Condoms

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 16:23:19 +0000

Researchers have discovered a new use for Magnum XL Condoms. It's about time... I never could figure out what those things could possibly be used for...

Bible Fun!

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:52:26 +0000

So, I was browsing through the bible like I like to do on occasion, and I came across the best passage I've seen in a long ass time...

Leviticus 20:16 - If a woman approaches an animal to have sexual relations with it, kill both the woman and the animal. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Now, first of all... was this really that big of a problem back in the day? A woman is sitting there minding her business when all of the sudden a goat wanders into view. Tempted, the woman would surely approach the goat... "Excuse me... I couldn't help but notice you from across the way... can I buy you a drink?" I guess things were different back then in those simpler times. But seriously, did they really need to cover every scenario? I'm not making this stuff up people... look for yourselves...

18 - If a man lies with a woman during her monthly period and has sexual relations with her, he has exposed the source of her flow, and she has also uncovered it. Both of them must be cut off from their people.
19 - Do not have sexual relations with the sister of either your mother or your father, for that would dishonor a close relative; both of you would be held responsible.
20 - If a man sleeps with his aunt, he has dishonored his uncle. They will be held responsible; they will die childless.
21 - If a man marries his brother's wife, it is an act of impurity; he has dishonored his brother. They will be childless.

Well then... I guess that saves on birth control at least. Ha... you've got it buddy... I think I can control myself on these.

Dramatic Prairie Dog

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:21:49 +0000

You've probably seen this by now, but if not... I don't want to oversell it or anything... but get ready to witness the greatest thing in the history of the world:

How To Use A Bidet...

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:10:14 +0000

A good friend of mine sent me this handy dandy little article on how to use a bidet. Next time you're in some crazy hotel or over in Europe, keep these tips in mind:

- Make sure you're at least semi-clean before use.
- Don't forget to adjust the temperature.
- Use caution if bathing a baby in the bidet.
- Baby in the bidet?? WTF!??
- Try to resist drinking from the bidet.

For more bidet tips and tricks, checkout this handy wikihow article...

How To Use A Bidet